Get court ready

One of the most common behavioural patterns I witness in cases involving narcissists is this one ⬇️

You refuse to comply with their demands (I.e. you enforce a boundary including a court order) and they stop contact.

Or you don’t respond to their message quick enough and they tell the kids they can’t do something because of you.

I am sure you have your own examples!

These patterns of behaviour become even more pronounced in family court where “negotitation” is actually more like a hostage situation. If you don’t agree with their demands, someone innocent pays the price.

Professionals need to be more aware of these patterns and when observed, challenge them. If they find themselves on the receiving of a threat, they are almost certainly dealing with a high conflict individual (not case as that tars both parties) and protective measures must be put in place as the child will, without a doubt, be on the receiving end of the punishment which can include:

⛔️ stopping them doing something they love
☣️ rage or silent treatment directed at child
🚫 stopping contact with their loving parent (from telephone contact during holidays to all physical contact i.e. alienation)

Long term the child learns to both copy this behaviour to get their own way with everyone except the narcissistic parent and sacrifice their own wants and needs, replacing them with what the narcissistic parent wants.

This can look like a close bond between parents who love to do everything together but in reality it is one controlling parent and a subjugated, compliant and controlled child.

If left too long, the child loses all sense of their own identity and will become totally enmeshed with the narcissist resulting in long term mental health problems, substance misuse, suicidal ideation/attempts, self harm and personality disorders.

Missing the signs is consigning a child to a life of emotional abuse and neglect.

We must do better.